Brian Brown

Special Guest Entry by The Hulk

2006-06-18T20:08:58Z

Hi, puny human!

Hulk love to smash. And break stuff. Today, Hulk smash lots of tanks, helicopters, and buildings. Smashing make great noise and pretty explosions. Sometimes puny humans get in way. Hulk smash them, too. Here are things Hulk do in day:

1. Wake up
2. Smash
6. Eat things Hulk find on ground. Crunchy!
w. Smash

Hulk done typing. Internet make Hulk mad. More smashing needed.

Easter Week

2006-04-13T18:29:57Z

Musicians need a word other than "gig" to describe professional engagements. Sure, it's fun to say, and it bounces nicely off the soft palate, but it has become trite. That's all a freelancer hears about during Easter week; this gig, that gig, I've got a church gig Sunday, blah, blah, blah. So here are some new words that are equally fun to say as a substitute:

tongs
chuchi
plop
spak
plank
po
bippy
phnarc
ptar
fleh

Coincidentally, the above words can also be seen during the fight scenes on the old Batman TV show.

They say confession is good for the soul...

2006-04-11T08:04:41Z

It's 3 AM, and I'm uncharacteristically drunk. So intoxicated, in fact, that I drove home in such a condition. It's amazing that I wasn't pulled over. In fact, I practiced reciting the alphabet forwards and backwards just in case of a field sobriety test.

It all started when my friend Kevin suggested that we meet for drinks. We started at a restaurant, but eventually began reminiscing about a bar that we both used to frequent. When Kevin told me that the old manager, a man referred to as "pops", passed away a couple of months ago, I suggested that we return for one last drink in his honor.

One drink? At a former watering hole? That's right, we both ended up quite inebriated. After several drinks to pops, we both found ourselves at the darker end of closing time, with no choice but to leave. Did we do the sensible thing and call a cab? Do those commercials really work? DUH!

So here I am, more than a little pixelated, typing my first LJ entry in a couple of years, and lamenting my recent bad decision to get behind the wheel of a vehicle after consuming large quantities of alcohol.

Who says stupidity is only reserved for people in their early 20s?

bbcorno @ 2003-09-19T08:06:00

2003-09-19T13:08:57Z

If the suffix "-im" is used to designate a plural noun in Hebrew, would the plural of "putz" be "putzim"? Because that's good and funny. Say it with me: putzim. Applied usage: "Hey, look at those putzim over there attempting to put goats in their pants," or "close the screen door, Maude, you're letting the putzim in!" That's all I've got today.

bbcorno @ 2003-09-05T18:44:00

2003-09-05T23:37:27Z

You are... '...What's that warm dripping sensation
I feel trailing down my back...?' Which... is
kind of disgusting if you ask me... And...
actually, it... doesn't make any sense,
either... you really can't... feel anything to
begin with. And, why in god's name do you have
a Monkey?!! Pirates own parrots!! No no, this
makes no sense at all! Jeeze...

What random made up thought from Pirates of the Caribbean are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Dangerous Kitchen

2003-09-05T23:23:55Z

This song reminds me of </a></b></a>heyjana:

The dangerous kitchen
If it aint't one thing it's another
In the middle of the night when you get home
The bread things are all dry 'n' scratchy
The meat thing
Where the cats ate trough the paper
The can things with the sharp little edges
That can cut your fingers when you're not looking
The soft little things on the floor that you step on
They can all be DANGEROUS

Sometimes
The milk can hurt you
(If you put it on your cereal
Before you smell the plastic container)
And the stuff in the strainer
Has a mind of its own
So be very careful
In the dangerous kitchen
When the night time has fallen,
And the roaches are crawlin'
In the kitchen of danger
You can feel like a stranger

The bananaes are black
The got flies in the back
And also the chicken
In the dish with the foil
Where the cream is all clabbered
And the salad is frightful
Your return in the evening
Can be less than delightful

You must walk very careful
You must not lean against it
It can get on you clothing
It can follow you in
As you walk to the bedroom
And you take all your clothes off
While you're sleeping
It crawls off
It gets in your bed
It could get on your face then
It could eat your complexion
You could die from the danger
Of the dangerous kitchen

Who the fuck wants to clean it?

It's disgusting and dirty
The sponge on the drainer
Is stinky and squirty
If you squeeze it when you wipe up
What you get on your hands then
Could un-balance your glands and
Make you blind or whatever
In the dangerous kitchen
At my house tonight

bbcorno @ 2003-08-27T14:39:00

2003-08-27T19:39:24Z

<td bgcolor="#000000">Username</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">In an alternate reality, you are a</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Boy-crazy Magical Girl </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your longtime rival is</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Sneaking Up Behind You! </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your goal in life is</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">To escape mass extinction.</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your big secret is</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">You don't wear pants. </td></tr>

What is your alternate reality? by raditzsex

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

I'm back!

2003-08-06T20:41:31Z

Well, I'm back from my weeklong vacation in California. I haven't had time to upload photos, but there are tons of them. We put about 800 miles on the rental car and drove all over the bay area, the beach, and the wine country. And I learned how to pronounce words like "vigonier" and "pinot grigio." Anyway, I'll write more later, but I just wanted to give a general update just in case anyone thought I was dead.

Bored

2003-06-25T21:24:45Z

I'm so very, very bored. Like 10-year-old whose mom just dragged him to the 6th errand of the day without even stopping at McDonald's bored. Damn.

W00T!!!

2003-06-23T13:52:47Z

It's my last Monday at this job! Woo hoo! I think I shall celebrate by being an obnoxious bastard. That's not too out of character for me, is it? MWUHAHAHAHAHA!

bbcorno @ 2003-06-22T17:28:00

2003-06-22T22:24:45Z

Happy Birthday (Belated), Jana!!!!! W00T!

Woo hoo!

2003-06-18T20:01:10Z

QuitMeter Counter courtesy of www.quitmeter.com.

Random crap

2003-06-12T17:26:21Z

I just counted 38 loose post-it notes that were sitting in a little pile on my desk. Of those 38, guess how many contained pertinent information? That's right, none! I admire the evil geniuses at 3M.

That's all I've got for now. Except that I've been smoke free for over 2 weeks now. Woo hoo! This sucks!

My Resignation

2003-06-11T16:06:48Z

It's official! I just put in my resignation at work today. Effective June 27, I will become a shiftless bum with no gainful employment. But only for a month, after which I will resume teaching privately. I'm looking forward to my lame duck period now. Woo hoo!

An Update on Brian's Love Life

2003-06-06T15:15:18Z

It has been a long time indeed since I've had any news regarding an actual love life, but I officially have a girlfriend now. Her name is Natalie, and I'm absolutely smitten. Sickening, isn't it? (Val's probably vomiting while reading this)

We met each other years ago, and even dated briefly back in 1994. We got along amazingly well back then, and when I tracked her down back in December, we still had the same excellent rapport. After a few months of emailing, conversing, flirting, IM'ing, more flirting, and honest discussion about where we wanted to be in life and who we wanted to be there with, we started dating.

This is the first time I've had a girlfriend in 9 years, and it still feels a bit strange. After so many years of being a husband, it's difficult to adjust to being a boyfriend again. There are several advantages, though. For example, I have my own checking account, my own apartment, and my own independence. And if I make some sort of financial or personal mistake, it doesn't affect the "household." I'm very happy right now, though. We're compatible in many ways, we're both intelligent people, we never run out of things to talk about, and she's cute as a button! (yeah, yeah, airsick bags are provided for your convenience)

So that's the scoop.

Perhaps the strangest AIM conversation I've ever had

2003-06-03T20:14:16Z

The names have been changed just for fun:

Me: Would you do it with a guy in full clown makeup?
Naughty Consuela: Sure, if I dug him.
Naughty Consuela: I would probably laugh, though.
Me: How could you not?
Me: What if he just wanted a blowjob? Would you blow a clown?
Naughty Consuela: Am I in a serious relationship with this hypothetical clown, or is this just some clown from the street?
Me: No, you're in a serious relationship with Blowzo the Clown.
Naughty Consuela: Hahaha!! Ok, then I might.
Me: LOL
Naughty Consuela: I may already have...how long have we been going out?
Me: How long would it take?
Naughty Consuela: I dunno, it depends on how cool he is.
Me: I'm not sure anyone who wants to dress like a clown to receive fellatio can be classified as "cool."
Naughty Consuela: Ohhh, he's not a real clown?
Me: No, he just wants to dress like a clown. It turns him on.
Naughty Consuela: Why am I hypothetically dating this guy?
Me: You tell me! You're the sicko with the clown fetish!

I'm such a copycat

2003-05-28T21:41:59Z

How Would YOU Take Over the World?

Word of the day

2003-05-28T15:45:58Z

I've invented a new word:
Mucilophagy (MYOO-sil-o-fay-jee) n., the act of eating paste.

Cat TV

2003-05-22T16:09:32Z

This link is primarily for the benefit of </a></b></a>.

bbcorno @ 2003-05-15T13:34:00

2003-05-15T18:35:06Z

Damn.

Woo hoo, I'm a bad boy!

2003-05-11T16:31:17Z

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	41.7% When I think about you - or anyone - I touch myself	62.4%
Shamelessness	61.9% It takes a couple of drinks	77.6%
Sex Drive	55.3% A fool for love, but not always	75.8%
Straightness	7.1% Knows the other body type like a map	41.6%
Gayness	94.6% Repressed, are we?	80.4%
Fucking Sick	89.4% Refreshingly normal	88.5%
You are 59.85% pure Average Score: 70.4%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up!

The Ball Game

2003-05-10T06:19:45Z

Val invited me to the Frisco Rough Riders game this evening with her family in celebration of her dad's birthday. We acted really goofy, hassled her dad, and had a really good time.

A minor league ball game is infinitely more entertaining than a major leage game for several reasons:

The players suck. This is highly entertaining, as the ball tends to spend a lot of time bouncing and spinning in wacky directions. Wayward proiectiles are always funny.

There are on-field antics! In this case, they were provided by a group called Zooperstars. You can read for yourself exactly what they're about. It was much more fun than I expected.

It's OK to make an ass of yourself in public. Ok, this holds true for nearly every sporting event, but for some reason, it seemed more appropriate at the game.

Funnel cake!

I wanna go again! Woo hoo!

X2!

2003-05-09T15:45:27Z

I saw X2 last night, and I was quite impressed. In some ways, it was even better than the first movie. They crammed quite a bit of story and character development into a relatively short running time, but they also managed to throw some tasty action sequences into the mix as well.

Particularly impressive was the opening sequence in which Nightcrawler stormed the White House, evaded dozens of thick-necked Secret Service agents, and stuck a knife bearing the banner, "Mutant Freedom Now!" on the President's desk . The background music was the Dies Irae movement from Mozart's Requiem (reorchestrated Hollywood style and full of cuts), which contains very appropriate text for Nightcrawler's Catholic faith and his dangerous (albeit unwitting) mission:

Dies irae, dies illa	Day of wrath, day that
solvet saeclum in favilla,	will dissolve the world into burning coals,
teste David cum Sybilla.	as David bore witness with the Sibyll.

Quantus tremor est futurus,	How great a tremor is to be,
quando iudex est venturus	when the judge is to come
cuncta stricte discussurus!	briskly shattering every grave.

If you have a better translation, feel free to correct this one that I found on the web.

Anyway, it's a good movie, so go see it.

Happy Birthday, James Brown!

2003-05-07T16:20:16Z

The Godfather of Soul celebrates his 70th birthday today. Get on up!

bbcorno @ 2003-04-30T20:09:00

2003-05-01T01:09:12Z

I scored
60¼%
on the classic 400 Point Purity Test!

Take the test here!