Hi, puny human!

Hulk love to smash. And break stuff. Today, Hulk smash lots of tanks, helicopters, and buildings. Smashing make great noise and pretty explosions. Sometimes puny humans get in way. Hulk smash them, too. Here are things Hulk do in day:

1. Wake up
2. Smash
6. Eat things Hulk find on ground. Crunchy!
w. Smash

Hulk done typing. Internet make Hulk mad. More smashing needed.

It's 3 AM, and I'm uncharacteristically drunk. So intoxicated, in fact, that I drove home in such a condition. It's amazing that I wasn't pulled over. In fact, I practiced reciting the alphabet forwards and backwards just in case of a field sobriety test.

It all started when my friend Kevin suggested that we meet for drinks. We started at a restaurant, but eventually began reminiscing about a bar that we both used to frequent. When Kevin told me that the old manager, a man referred to as "pops", passed away a couple of months ago, I suggested that we return for one last drink in his honor.

One drink? At a former watering hole? That's right, we both ended up quite inebriated. After several drinks to pops, we both found ourselves at the darker end of closing time, with no choice but to leave. Did we do the sensible thing and call a cab? Do those commercials really work? DUH!

So here I am, more than a little pixelated, typing my first LJ entry in a couple of years, and lamenting my recent bad decision to get behind the wheel of a vehicle after consuming large quantities of alcohol.

Who says stupidity is only reserved for people in their early 20s?

If the suffix "-im" is used to designate a plural noun in Hebrew, would the plural of "putz" be "putzim"? Because that's good and funny. Say it with me: putzim. Applied usage: "Hey, look at those putzim over there attempting to put goats in their pants," or "close the screen door, Maude, you're letting the putzim in!" That's all I've got today.

You are... '...What's that warm dripping sensation
I feel trailing down my back...?' Which... is
kind of disgusting if you ask me... And...
actually, it... doesn't make any sense,
either... you really can't... feel anything to
begin with. And, why in god's name do you have
a Monkey?!! Pirates own parrots!! No no, this
makes no sense at all! Jeeze...


What random made up thought from Pirates of the Caribbean are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

This song reminds me of </a></b></a>heyjana:

( The Dangerous Kitchen by Frank Zappa )

<td bgcolor="#000000">Username</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">In an alternate reality, you are a</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Boy-crazy Magical Girl </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your longtime rival is</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Sneaking Up Behind You! </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your goal in life is</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">To escape mass extinction.</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your big secret is</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">You don't wear pants. </td></tr>

What is your alternate reality? by raditzsex
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Well, I'm back from my weeklong vacation in California. I haven't had time to upload photos, but there are tons of them. We put about 800 miles on the rental car and drove all over the bay area, the beach, and the wine country. And I learned how to pronounce words like "vigonier" and "pinot grigio." Anyway, I'll write more later, but I just wanted to give a general update just in case anyone thought I was dead.

I'm so very, very bored. Like 10-year-old whose mom just dragged him to the 6th errand of the day without even stopping at McDonald's bored. Damn.

It's my last Monday at this job! Woo hoo! I think I shall celebrate by being an obnoxious bastard. That's not too out of character for me, is it? MWUHAHAHAHAHA!

Happy Birthday (Belated), Jana!!!!! W00T!

QuitMeter Counter courtesy of www.quitmeter.com.

I just counted 38 loose post-it notes that were sitting in a little pile on my desk. Of those 38, guess how many contained pertinent information? That's right, none! I admire the evil geniuses at 3M.

That's all I've got for now. Except that I've been smoke free for over 2 weeks now. Woo hoo! This sucks!

It's official! I just put in my resignation at work today. Effective June 27, I will become a shiftless bum with no gainful employment. But only for a month, after which I will resume teaching privately. I'm looking forward to my lame duck period now. Woo hoo!

It has been a long time indeed since I've had any news regarding an actual love life, but I officially have a girlfriend now. Her name is Natalie, and I'm absolutely smitten. Sickening, isn't it? (Val's probably vomiting while reading this)

We met each other years ago, and even dated briefly back in 1994. We got along amazingly well back then, and when I tracked her down back in December, we still had the same excellent rapport. After a few months of emailing, conversing, flirting, IM'ing, more flirting, and honest discussion about where we wanted to be in life and who we wanted to be there with, we started dating.

This is the first time I've had a girlfriend in 9 years, and it still feels a bit strange. After so many years of being a husband, it's difficult to adjust to being a boyfriend again. There are several advantages, though. For example, I have my own checking account, my own apartment, and my own independence. And if I make some sort of financial or personal mistake, it doesn't affect the "household." I'm very happy right now, though. We're compatible in many ways, we're both intelligent people, we never run out of things to talk about, and she's cute as a button! (yeah, yeah, airsick bags are provided for your convenience)

So that's the scoop.

The names have been changed just for fun:

Me: Would you do it with a guy in full clown makeup?
Naughty Consuela: Sure, if I dug him.
Naughty Consuela: I would probably laugh, though.
Me: How could you not?
Me: What if he just wanted a blowjob? Would you blow a clown?
Naughty Consuela: Am I in a serious relationship with this hypothetical clown, or is this just some clown from the street?
Me: No, you're in a serious relationship with Blowzo the Clown.
Naughty Consuela: Hahaha!! Ok, then I might.
Me: LOL
Naughty Consuela: I may already have...how long have we been going out?
Me: How long would it take?
Naughty Consuela: I dunno, it depends on how cool he is.
Me: I'm not sure anyone who wants to dress like a clown to receive fellatio can be classified as "cool."
Naughty Consuela: Ohhh, he's not a real clown?
Me: No, he just wants to dress like a clown. It turns him on.
Naughty Consuela: Why am I hypothetically dating this guy?
Me: You tell me! You're the sicko with the clown fetish!

How Would YOU Take Over the World?

I've invented a new word:
Mucilophagy (MYOO-sil-o-fay-jee) n., the act of eating paste.

This link is primarily for the benefit of </a></b></a>.

Damn.